THE TOBACCHANALIA

Another fine Sleazy Cheezy has passed and what a smoking evening it was.

First on we had Maco playing some fine smoking themed songs which was followed by “The NUKES” a top sci-fi garage surf band who stomped their way through their set ably assisted by new go-go girls “The Missiles”, who the observant amongst you would have spotted as Karney Doll and Foxy Rogue.

Then we had Academy of Striptease and Burlesque (Scotland) girls come on and do group number, entitled “Something in French”, well no not actually, they told me some French words for “The Black Night” or “The Dark Night”, but due to some brain damage I suffered later in the evening its drifted out of my mind.

Even though for many of the academy girls it was their first time on stage they managed to pull of a good tight group number, which was enjoyed by all.

As soon as we managed to clear seven sets of underwear from the stage we wheeled on the large black box that contained the PISH DOLLS, the crowd appeared apprehensive at the prospect of a puppet show (to many bad memories of educational puppet shows at school I fear) but a soon as the front crashed down and the puppets launched into a FULL-METAL-COCK-ROCKING version of Iron Maidens “Number of the Beast”, I was heartened to see the crowd surge forward to view the majesty of the 12 inch rockers.

The PISH DOLLS then slammed home with Metalica’s “Enter the Sandman” complete with miniature pyro’s, which provided a satisfactory “Thunderbirds” feeling to the proceedings.

Then we came to the BLUE part of the night as I introduced our smoking themed Burlesque girls; first to hit the stage was Miss Angel D’light proving the dangers of the flammable nature of cigarettes and a combustible dress.

Sekura Tsui exhibited her tribute to the hottest of all cartoon characters Jessica Rabbit which left a more than few people hot under the collar and my own dear brother Chico Von Sleaze behaving like the wolf from a Tex Avery cartoon.

Karney Doll gave her take on the Little Match girl and then Miss Angel D’light & Sekura Tsui took us back to school with the formative experience of smoking behind the bike sheds.

Unfortunately I missed the smoking and canning being presented by D’light & Tsui because I promised Gypsy Charms to help her with the final burlesque, so as the canning is going on I’m through the back with my trousers around my ankles, getting my hair spray painted grey.

So for the final number Gypsy and I paid tribute to the most scandalous of all cigars and Monicagate, thankfully Chico Von Sleaze managed to video it because I was not quite with it after accidentally inhaling about a can of hair paint to make my hair Clinton white.

I was told it went down well, who knows perhaps it has left me with the burlesque performance bug and soon I’ll be strutting the stage in a pair of nipple tassels.

The last act on had supposed to be the comedian Harry Ainsworth but he rather fell foul of our generous bar tab and performed a under par show, but it’s a learning experience I think the next time we have a comedian they’ll be on earlier.

To finish of the evening Roz (Disco Pervert from Dogma) played a fine selection of modern music and of course we ended with our club anthem “Time of my Life”.

A great evenings entertainment it was, 10 great acts all for £6, that is an astonishing 60p an act, you can’t even get on a bus for 60p anymore, what fun.