Computing the my little pony way..

Having been surprised at my own lack of knowledge of window (I've only used it for 11 years not understood it) I got my father-in-law "vista for dummies" as a Christmas present, but knowing he'd probably take offense at getting a dummies book I recovered it with this image I created..



..somebody give me a proper job!

Its finally Kitschmas - last door

And behind the last door is Monty Python, who remind us that its Christmas in Heaven everyday...

..and the perils of eating to much this Christmas...

...so I hope you all have a happy Christmas, one and all.

its almost here its almost Kitschmas - door 24

When i was a kid advent calenders only had 24 doors, then the 25 door appeared and just before the millennium they stretched to include new year. Well this advent has one more door tomorrow so what behind door 24? Why its will there be a Santa Claus!

I'm of the age when a lot of my friends have just had kids and are facing the choice of whether to launch into the Santa Mythos and potentially scar their child for life by "Lying" to them or be a kill-joy Grinch and tell them that their is no Santa Claus.

So I asked them and was surprised to find that they were all mostly for Santa but anti the christian bit of christmas, which I can only attribute to their children not being at school yet and not having the terrifying prospect of the Nativity to explain. Sheppard's flocks out in winter, angels, wise men, virgin births, oh yes it makes a jolly fat man delivering presents a much more belivable concept.

YES VIRGINIA THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS

NORAD SANTA TRACKER

Its Kitschmas - door 23

Almost finished as we reach "The Night of the Radishes" not a low budget vegetarian horror movie but a enchanting art event in Oaxaca, where the large red radishes into nativity scenes.
I remember those radishes well, on my return flight from Mexico many years ago i asked for the vegetarian meal, which was identical to the meat-eaters except the fish/chicken had been replaced by slices of large red radish.

Ah behind door 23 we have the return of John Waters and his Christmas compilation album "A John Waters Christmas", a fantastic collection of Christmas songs, I'm torn between the Chipmonks or Little mary Christmas as being the best track.

1. Fat Daddy “Fat Daddy (Is Santa Claus)”
2. Tiny Tim “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”
3. Stormy Weather “Christmas Time Is Coming (A Street Carol)”
4. Little Cindy “Happy Birthday Jesus (A Child’s Prayer)”
5. Rudolph and Gang “Here Comes Fatty Claus”
6. Roger Christian “Little Mary Christmas”
7. Big Dee Irwin and Little Eva “I Wish You A Marry Christmas”
8. Jimmy Donley “Santa! Don’t Pass Me By”
9. Alvin and The Chipmunks “Sleigh Ride”
10. Rita Faye Wilson “Sleigh Bells, Reindeer and Snow”
11. The Coctails “First Snowfall”
12. AKIM & the Teddy Vann Production Company “Santa Claus Is A Black Man”

Its Kitschmas - door 22

A bit late tonight but i was off buying the last Xmas presents and then had to wrap them, so behind door 22 is the classic cult movie "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", since the actual movie is quite painfull to watch here is the abridged MST3K version.

Its Kitschmas - door 21

This will all soon be finished as we open door 21 and since today is the winter solstice we have some harmless hippy pagans. Since I went to Australia this summer then officially I've had two winter solstices, two shortest days, well the wind is blowing and the weather is just grim outside but at least the nights will start getting shorter.

I wonder if I build a Wicker Man will the summer come faster...



p.s. see in "The Wicker Man" the fat baby being breast-fed in the graveyard, well that is my friend and industrial artist Dillon MacEwan.

It's Kitschmas - Door 20

Door 20 is a conundrum once upon a time David Bowie and Bing Crosby got together and recorded this version of Little Drummer Boy...



...and now Terry Wogan and Aled Jones have covered this rather strange event...



...but I do know that no matter who covers Little Drummer Boy it still scares my wife.

It's Kitschmas - Door 19

Behind door 19 is Jona Lewie's Anti-War Christmas hit "Stop the Cavalry", which references the truce in the trenches during Word War One, lets hope there are a few truces in the conflicts around the world this Christmas.

It's Kitschmas - Door 18

Behind door 18 is my little brother Danny who is getting married today and before you ask no its not a civil partnership, his cute sailor boy outfit is because he's in the Royal Navy. I look forward to celebrating his marriage to his bride to be Emma.

I hope there is wedding cake...

It's Kitschmas - Door 17

And now we are on to door 17 and since the world of shopping has turned into a snarling beast, we have in the way of an antidote...

The Reverend Billy & The Church of Stop Shopping

It's Kitschmas Konspiricy Round Up - Door 16

Philip K Dick would have been 80 today, so to celebrate his birthday behind door 16 is a round up of some Christmas Conspiracies...

The Christmas Conspiracy - Working for the Christmasization of all commerce.

How the Nazis Stole Christmas - A seasonal tale of politics, propaganda and paganism in Hitler's Third Reich

The Christmas Conspiracy - The Pagan Origins of Christmas

Santa's Red suit - The Coca-Cola Conspiracy

Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer - The evil truth.

Santa or Satan - I can think of one Conspiracy writer who's going on the naughty list.

The Santa Conspiracy- and another 9/11 writer goes on the LIST.

Munny I is scared!!! part two

I finally finished the Munny today..

..so after the ocher undercoat I applied my patented wood grain effect all over the figure...

..then once that dried I painted on the face, with a sky blue and baby pink facial tattoo. At this point my good-lady-wife exclaimed "what's happened he's stopped being cute, now he's scary". I think the next one will be cuter but this one is the practice Munny.

So the finishing touches, three layers of spray gloss paint, a bit of superglue and a wooden plinth. The necklace the Munny is wearing is a dog tooth I found on the road in Fiji, which I didn't quite smuggle back through customs I just forgot it was in my back pocket, I don't think it was from an endangered dog, just a dog that might have to start brushing more regularly or drink soup.

The most difficult part of the project was finding the plinth, I tried to find an ornament in a charity store I could salvage one off, but ended up having to go to model shops. Where I discovered that some stores "don't do those things, you want a military model shop!".
I should have guessed where you find geeks you find geek cliques. That'll teach me to try and buy millitaria supplies in a train/doll house store.

It's Kitschmas - Door 15

Ahhhh! its Mulled Wine or they call it on the continent Glühwein. One of the best thing to happen to me this year was that I discovered I could drink red wine again.
About 6 years ago red wine started to give me migraines, so I had to avoid it, then when I was in Vietnam I was given a glass of red and out of politeness drank it and discovered that I was cured.

Discover the joys of Christmas drinking with these recipes for Egg Nog and Gluhwein, or listen to one of my fravorite albums Ultra-Lounge: Christmas Cocktails.

I wish it could be Kitschmas every day - door 14

Behind door 14 is yet another glam rock classic, with Wizzard and "I wish it could be Christmas every day", Wizzard's singer Alan Moore gone on to greater fame as a crotchety comic book writer and snake worshiper.

Not a dry eye in the house....

Just back from "Its a Wonderful Life" and can report that for the last ten minutes of the film it was almost drowned out by the gentle sobbing and loud sniffing, it felt like proper Christmas.
Who said Glaswegians were all hard.

It's a Wonderfull Kitschmas - Door 13

Whats behind door 13, is it ZuZu's Petals no its the ever popular yuletide movie Frank Capra's "Its a Wonderfull Life", which I shall be going tonight to the cinema, to watch for the umpteenth time and shall enjoy it as much as the first time.

It's Kitschmas - Door 12

What the hell is that behind door 12? Its the Pine Cone Santa that I bought at a jumble sale when i was six, I swear its made from goat fur and sacking, like the Christmas decoration Robinson Crusoe might have made on his deserted island.

Today is the day the Christmas tree goes up and the presents start to pile up beneath it.

Bettie Page the newest and most glamorous star in heaven

Bettie Page, she who launched a thousand fringes, has died aged 85 in Los Angeles.
She has been one of my major crush objects since i first saw fridge magnets of her back in the early 90's, when she was still missing.



I used her images for several Sleazy Cheezy fliers and will be interested to see which images of her will be printed in the quality newspapers.

It's Kitschmas - Door 11

What is behind door 11....



...why its Gandalf, ah remember when Christmases of the past were all about the release of the latest installment of the "Lord of the Rings", bum-numbing bladder-bursting epics. Roll on the Hobbit..

It's Kitschmas - Door 10

I've been thinking about good Christmas double bills, mixing traditional telly fare with something bit outre, so what would be better to slob out to than Raymond Briggs "The Snowman" followed by the wintry chills of The Residents "Eskimo"





(apologies You Tube is lacking any footage from the DVD version of Eskimo)