THE TOBACCHANALIA

Another fine Sleazy Cheezy has passed and what a smoking evening it was.

First on we had Maco playing some fine smoking themed songs which was followed by “The NUKES” a top sci-fi garage surf band who stomped their way through their set ably assisted by new go-go girls “The Missiles”, who the observant amongst you would have spotted as Karney Doll and Foxy Rogue.

Then we had Academy of Striptease and Burlesque (Scotland) girls come on and do group number, entitled “Something in French”, well no not actually, they told me some French words for “The Black Night” or “The Dark Night”, but due to some brain damage I suffered later in the evening its drifted out of my mind.

Even though for many of the academy girls it was their first time on stage they managed to pull of a good tight group number, which was enjoyed by all.

As soon as we managed to clear seven sets of underwear from the stage we wheeled on the large black box that contained the PISH DOLLS, the crowd appeared apprehensive at the prospect of a puppet show (to many bad memories of educational puppet shows at school I fear) but a soon as the front crashed down and the puppets launched into a FULL-METAL-COCK-ROCKING version of Iron Maidens “Number of the Beast”, I was heartened to see the crowd surge forward to view the majesty of the 12 inch rockers.

The PISH DOLLS then slammed home with Metalica’s “Enter the Sandman” complete with miniature pyro’s, which provided a satisfactory “Thunderbirds” feeling to the proceedings.

Then we came to the BLUE part of the night as I introduced our smoking themed Burlesque girls; first to hit the stage was Miss Angel D’light proving the dangers of the flammable nature of cigarettes and a combustible dress.

Sekura Tsui exhibited her tribute to the hottest of all cartoon characters Jessica Rabbit which left a more than few people hot under the collar and my own dear brother Chico Von Sleaze behaving like the wolf from a Tex Avery cartoon.

Karney Doll gave her take on the Little Match girl and then Miss Angel D’light & Sekura Tsui took us back to school with the formative experience of smoking behind the bike sheds.

Unfortunately I missed the smoking and canning being presented by D’light & Tsui because I promised Gypsy Charms to help her with the final burlesque, so as the canning is going on I’m through the back with my trousers around my ankles, getting my hair spray painted grey.

So for the final number Gypsy and I paid tribute to the most scandalous of all cigars and Monicagate, thankfully Chico Von Sleaze managed to video it because I was not quite with it after accidentally inhaling about a can of hair paint to make my hair Clinton white.

I was told it went down well, who knows perhaps it has left me with the burlesque performance bug and soon I’ll be strutting the stage in a pair of nipple tassels.

The last act on had supposed to be the comedian Harry Ainsworth but he rather fell foul of our generous bar tab and performed a under par show, but it’s a learning experience I think the next time we have a comedian they’ll be on earlier.

To finish of the evening Roz (Disco Pervert from Dogma) played a fine selection of modern music and of course we ended with our club anthem “Time of my Life”.

A great evenings entertainment it was, 10 great acts all for £6, that is an astonishing 60p an act, you can’t even get on a bus for 60p anymore, what fun.

LONDON LUAU 9,10, 11th of June

Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, I like lots of Tiki, I’m going to London to have a lot of fun and drink a lot of rum, and perhaps fall on my bum, wouldn't that be fun with lots and lots of Tiki, tum de tum de tum, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, drink lots of rum.

I'm very excited about going to the London Luau and perhaps getting some of my artwork in the Tiki art exhibition, finally I'll get to meet all my Brit-Tiki contemporaries and get a reasonable priced meal in Trader Vic's.

The London Luau

Friday 24th March "TOBACCHANALIA"

Tobacco

1. Any of various plants of the genus Nicotiana, especially N. tabacum, native to tropical America and widely cultivated for their leaves, which are used primarily for smoking.
2. The leaves of these plants, dried and processed chiefly for use in cigarettes, cigars, or snuff or for smoking in pipes.
3. Products made from these plants.
4. The habit of smoking tobacco: I gave up tobacco.
5. A crop of tobacco.

Bacchanalia

1. The ancient Roman festival in honor of Bacchus.
2. bacchanalia A riotous, boisterous, or drunken festivity; a revel.

Ladies and gentlemen get ready to sat Bye-Bye to ‘Baccy, Ta-Ta to tabs, Cheerio to the Cigs and Sayonara to Cigars. Yes it’s the final countdown for indoor tobacco smoking, so we at Sleazy Cheezy are sending the filthy habit off in style.

What has Scotland’s premier Carnivalesque Cabaret got for you this month?.Well we shall be presenting the sci-fi garage surf sounds of “The Nukes”, the punk puppetry of “The PishDolls”, The Perrier award-winning comedy of Harry Ainsworth and the smoking inspired burlesque of Miss Karney Doll, Gypsy Charms, Sekura Tsui and Miss Angel D’light.

Plus on the DJ front this month Miss Hope Eternal & Johann Von Sleaze make good some drunken promises and invite the talents of Roz (Dogma) and Maco (Purple Moon) to play Sleazy Cheezy.

And finally Miss ‘Schwindel will be exhibiting her individual take on the obligatory cigarette girl.

A fine evenings entertainment

Greetings fellow space beings, it is I hope Eternal just landing after a insalubrious weekend, the highlight of which was our own Sleazy Cheesy.
My how sumptous you all looked, I could have gorged on you all, especially my wonderful entertainment partner Johann Von Sleaze who wooed the crowd with his tounge in cheek & bulge in pocket style, brought on no doubt by the raw charms of the sensational Dateless a poptastic penetration of naughty intelligent pop/electro fusion.
Once again the astounding & outstanding charms of the burlesque troop hightened the mood & tightened the trousers of many a boy & no doubt a few girls as well.
However sleazy, no matter how cheesy we remain an unpretentious & fun club night.
The crowd were lovely & theatrical, just what we like & there were so many of you!!
Thanks to everyone for taking part, staff & customers alike, I had a great time hope you did too, see you at the next one, which Johann will post details of very soon,
Chow bella's
Hope Eternal

FEBRUARY 24th "Intergalactic Burlesque"

This month we go SCI-FI MENTAL with an evening of out-of-this-world themed entertainment.
On the DJ front this month we have as a special guest "someguynamedfuz" who used to DJ (although he claims not to be such a thing) for Moon Safari, one of the original and best Lounge/exotica nights in Edinburgh.
On the Dancing lady front we have some new faces (well new to us), Miss Angel D'light - a tattooed goddess, Tsui - a Suicide Girl and Gypsy Charm - a burlesque educationalist.
Plus we may have the return of Miss 'Schwindel, providing she can align with our reality for the evening, but then again I'm sure we can forgo her attendance if it furthers the completion of the second Alleschwindel album.
What a lovely evening we will be having and a fine oppertunity to explore your futuristic dress sense (for those that don't make the effort we will force them to don tin foil hats), plenty of fishnet wookies, dirty droids, barbarellas, trekkie tarts and mutant major toms.

Skinny Magazine Review

I found this review in the Skinny, of our November night while i was toddling around the intermersquet..

Sleazy Cheezy
Studio 24, Edinburgh
4th November

More often than not, the ‘cheese’ club formula of drunk clientele, £1 drinks and the theme from Minder makes for a sub-par evening. What a surprise then to stumble across Sleazy Cheezy (the self-proclaimed purveyors of ‘carnivalesque cabaret’); a great new way to fill a Friday night. Resident DJs Johann Von Sleaze and Miss Hope Eternal provide a miscellaneous aural backdrop of ska, pop, and more importantly Europe’s Final Countdown. Tonight also featured a visual feast in the form of The Ministry of Burlesque (ladies in states of undress with revealing balloon popping dances), live performances from a Frank Sinatra impersonator, and Miss Schwindel from Alleschwindel - a kind of 1930’s Eastern European electro cabaret performance. For £3, this is money well spent. Sleazy’s is gathering momentum and fans, and the range of music played means that most tastes will be catered for. Don’t be put off by the mention of cheesy songs; it is only one element in this barrage of entertainment.

(the original skinny article is off line but a cache of it is here)

"Milk Gone Wild"

(Quickly first off i got Burns Night wrong its the 25th of January oops)

PETA's new anti-milk advert, hot chicks with giant milk squirting udders, top vegan shock tactics but they could have won me over instantly with the claim that beer is better for you than milk due to the high levels of fat and growth hormones.

EVIL MOO JUICE

JANUARY 27th "Anti-Burns Night"

So KARNEY DOLL asks me if she can theme an evening at Sleazy Cheezy and ever the gentleman I say sure.
Then i'm standing in the supermarket staring at a huge pile of Haggis thinking why all the Haggis, then it hits me the 27th of January is Burns Night, all the tartan, the wee scotty dugs, the broons, the whisky, all the fun with Scots Kitsch and here I'am doing a night of "Under the Sea".
But then i think Burns, burns like fire, what puts out fire, water, under the sea, yup good connection.

Sleazy Cheezy is growing bigger in february this will be your only chance to purchase a money saving membership before we move into a larger area and increase the entrance price.

THE SHAT's ROCKET MAN

We love William Shatner at Sleazy Cheezy, the man is a musical genius and artists must be so proud when he blessess their music by covering them, here is a rare chance to see "THE SHAT" (as we call him) performing Elton John's song, "Rocket Man", in 1978, for a Sci-Fi/Fantasy awards show.

FUCKING ACE!!

DRINKING PRACTICE 30th DECEMBER

TA TA DA!!! It's another Sleazy Cheezy, with a very special guest D.J. The amazing AL MacDONALD from DOGMA but real Sleazy Cheezers will remember him from before his Tekno DJ career as the wonderful AL CHEESE of the FROMAGERIE, one of edinburgh's longest running Easy Listening Clubs.

Al will be playing great tunes and puffing away on his pipe for your enjoyment.

So if anyone turning up for Tekno music will be sadly disapointed.

KITSCHMAS MADNESS!

What an excellent night, Sleazy Santa was on top Sleazy for here he caught molesting Missy Malone from The Ministry of Burlesque.

December SLEAZY CHEEZY "It's Kitschmas"

Ho Ho HO Merry Kitschmas, this month SLEAZY CHEEZY has a treat or two in store, first up the return of the MINISTRY OF BURLESQUE, fine young fillies doing eye-popping nudie-lady dancing, the mighty BILL SPICE will be playing some tunes of the experiment outsider kind and some up and dancing party songs and I can guarantee that MISS HOPE ETERNAL will be able to come out to play, the babysitters are booked.

Now ladies and gentlemen as yourself "have I been naughty or nice?” because SLEAZY SANTA is cumming to town, dare you enter his grotty grotto and place your hand in his bran tub.

All this for only £3, remember to dress sleazy or cheezy and come early or you'll miss the girls.

SLEAZY CHEEZY 4th November "A night to remember"

Well ladies and gentlemen what a great night we had, three dancers, two singers and one panicking host.

I knew it was going to be a good night when I found a full formal suit in a charity shop, the tails jacket, waist coat and stripy trousers all for £30 and they fitted me like a glove.

Unfortunately Miss Hope Eternal could not attend due to a lack of babysitters but Mr Bill Spice from the Club Curious turned up to lend a hand on the decks and what a splendid job he did.

Miss ‘Scwindel gave us a unique Cabaret-Karaoke using her previously recorded works form her band ALLESCHWINDEL as backing. She also invited her friend Mr Fenton Barnes with his Frankly splendid renditions of Sintrocities, one would have though old blue eyes was in the building.

If that wasn’t enough for the Sleazsters attending the MINISTRY OF BURLESQUE trotted out a spectacular cluster of routines. Foxy Rouge popped balloons filled with glitter, Missy Malone and Karney Doll wowed us with their pyrotechniques.

By the end of the evening my bow-tie was well askew.

Now I have the challenge to make the next SLEAZY CHEEZY on Friday December 2^nd even more fun filled and entertaining, I think since we’ll be in the season of advent perhaps a Kitsch Christmas is in order perhaps the return of SLEAZY SANTA may return.

NOVEMBER SLEAZY CHEEZY

Come to SLEAZY CHEEZY on the 4th of November, so much fun for only three pounds.

ROCK SWINGS

Just got the new Paul Anka Album, some mighty fine covers on that there CD, expect it to be on heavy rotation at the next SLEAZY CHEEZY. I first heard his cover of "Jump" on the Perth's "king of cool" Desmond Carrington's "When the music goes round" a top radio show from the BBC.

Oh just to warn you I also bought some Ivor Cutler, which i'm sure you'll all grow to enjoy.
Ivor Cutler was well loved by John Peel (two peel sessions a year since 1969) and what with the recent John Peel day, I guess playing "Teenage Kicks" is a more guranteed floorfiller tribute than playing Cutler's "Egg Meat".

GIANT SKELETON FOUND IN INDIA

I love internet hoaxes, this one is tops, the production values, the camera work, i can only ask the question "What product is it selling?"

GIANT HOAX

OCTOBER SLEAZY CHEEZY

The Ministary of Burlesque pulled out all the stops this month, with a Benny Hill saucy nurse style slap fight, an evil black clad nurse going pycho on a doll and then a cheeky medical fan dance.

Plus we had the wonderfull Nurse Ratchet and her Karaoke/Caberet/quick change costume routine. Nurse Ratchet is more commonly know as Alice from the great ALLESCHWINDEL
a band we'd love to have play, perhaps next year once they have finished touring.

A late glastonbury reveiw

(Hi I ment to post this as soon as i came back, but my wife desided i had something more important to do, as they do, and i only just got around to finishing it..)

Well that’s me returned from a field in summerset, and what a good week that was.
We arrived on the Wednesday morning, after driving all night from Scotland, to bask in blazing sunshine and get hammered on Pear cider.
I then went back to my campervan, donned my white dinner jacket (with black shirt, black trousers, white bow tie and white winkle pickers) and loaded up with gin to dance the night away at the pirate stage and Lost Vagueness.

Naked Ruby:A Brixton based Voodoo-billy band with a powerfully Joplinesque lead singer, who later helped demolish our supply of gin and tonics Lovely people.

Around about four on the Friday I noticed flashes in the sky, Fireworks I thought, then the biggest drop of rain hit me. Oh I thought its about to rain, better retire to my lovely dry camper and listen to the sound of the rain hit the roof, while I’m snugly and warm.
During that night a months worth of rain fell, huge apocalyptical strikes of lightening struck the stages, the mobile telephone towers and one unlucky girls umbrella. The rain fell on hard sun baked ground and rushed downhill in great torrents flooding tents, knocking over porta-loos and then forming huge lakes swamping low-lying camping areas.
I slept through this oblivious to the chaos all around, woke up to the huge lakes and thanks to the many feet of the festivalgoers the ground rapidly turned to a quagmire of mud.
Despite this I managed to go and see three bands:

The Zutons: who played standard Indie rock, until their last track witch had prog style freak-outs and Sativa drummer style massed drumming, which heartily impressed me.

Alabama 3: A wonderful set by the ‘bama, with a talented wee lassie singing with them, a few new songs but all the classics, “Mao Tse Tung Said” filled the field with clenched fist socialist salutes, of and they were introduced by Howard Marks and I think I saw Brian Wilson standing at the back of the stage miming shooting up during “Hypo full of Love”.

White Stripes: The field in front of the Pyramid Stage was reminiscent of the mud at the battle of the Somme, a deep sucking swamp, but the band played great, loved their version of Dolly’s Jolene.

Saturday arrived after another night of drinking, more pear cider was had for breakfast and an attempt to upgrade my very wet and mud covered trainers for some boots or wellies but not wanting to join the riot in front of the “Joe bananas stall”, I opted for drying my feet, applying some socks then jury rigging waterproofing with plastic bags and gaffer tape. With my feet now better equipped I stomped of to watch a band.

The Levellers: A crusty-hood dream to see them at Glastonbury, they were good played all their big songs, good big crowd and they offered to let my friend Rarg join the band afterwards.

The weather was overcast on Saturday and seemed to threaten more rain but as another friend said “Play stops Rain”, so on went my dinner jacked for an evening of carousing and on the way I saw..

Hayseed Dixie: I’ve seen them play at Studio24 a couple of times now but since I’m working behind the bar I never get a chance to enjoy myself, so it was a right treat to finally get to dance along and bloody hell they are talented.
When the introduced their song “Blind Beggar Breakdown” and rambled on about the blind beggar (a local Edinburgh biker pub), my darling wife phoned the beggars manager to inform him of the mobs of hippies that may be descending on the bar in the coming months.

The Proclaimers: Well they were on after the ‘Dixies and they played “Letter from America” first, we slinked of to the rock’n’roll diner at Vagueness for some dinner and came back to hear them play “I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)” as their final track.
It was good to see them live rather than stare at the back of one of the Proclaimers head’s as he takes the number 23 bus up to Morningside.

Sunday started hot and stayed that way all day, the mud started to dry and where their had been quagmires now their was dust, it defiantly perked me up, so straight into more cider. I find on weekend bender if you stop drinking that’s when your troubles start.

The Ukulele Orchestra Of Great Britain: They were the best band at Glastonbury, in sheer talent and musicianship and comedy, just amazing, I would crawl on broken glass to play the Ukulele as well as them. Anybody that missed them wasted their entrance money.

By Sunday evening I was getting a bit lethargic so spent the evening around a campfire enjoying the company of friends, I find that so many people go a little nuts on the Sunday because their going home the next day and start to panic. I just like to relax and let the final night wash over me, in perpetration for the Monday Tat-fest.

Monday starts with my trainers splitting open, the wet, mud and heavy use on gravel roads have finally gotten the better of them, but as luck would have it its Tat-fest Monday. I wonder if it’s a sad reflection on the consumer society at the amount of stuff that gets left behind at Glastonbury (Wellie boots that could have been sold at £70 on the wet days are left by the bins, whole tents, camping mats and every year a kitchen sink are all up for grabs on Tat-fest Monday) or is more about the long march home and a desire to lighten your bulging backpack.
Within ten feet of the front gate I upgrade my broken trainers to a newly abandoned pair of Dr Martins unfortunately they are a size 10, one size too small, but they’ll do until I find a lovely pair of German paratrooper boots which do fit, then seconds later a pair of British army boots which I take for Sunday best.
By the time I’m finished tatting I score, 2 complete sets of waterproofs, 2 camping mats, a new frying pan, 3 pairs of boots, a lovely pair of rugby socks, a rucksack to carry it all in and huge blue parasol cover made of raffia that will make a good monster costume for later in the year.

And so we depart later that evening leaving the field of Glastonbury for another two years.