Atomic Tony Tiki

Puttiki poster

2010-05-10T05:09:00.009+01:00

Long time no posting, I've been busy being a teacher here in Thailand but over our extensive school holidays I completed the poster for the "Return of Puttiki" art-show and cocktail bender.

I started with a vague idea about mixing actual props and models with vintage photography in a mens adventure magazine/exploitation film poster style. Sam from Puttiki had mentioned he would like a Moai on the poster somewhere so I started to build a cardboard Maoi head.

Rough outlines...

....nose and mouth..

..and ears..

..and almost a perfect fit, but no eye holes so not suitable for wearing while operating a motorbike. Not that would stop anyone here in Thailand where ten on a moped and the raffia bike helmet rule.

Adding more shape with newspaper..

..face completed and hat stone hat added. I tried to get a stone effect with wads of glue soaked toilet paper, but it failed to dry in a pleasing style, so I just went with a normal coat of newspaper.

Coat of house hold emulsion as a base coat for painting..

..undercoat of faux wood grain..

..then the details in bold black paint.

Now that the head was finished I had to work out the final composition, I found a picture of Betty Page in distress and planned to have the Moai man added to the picture in a suitably menacing pose.

I dressed my self and had the missus take some scary pictures of me...

..the pictures worked out well but the Betty Page picture was not of a high enough resolution for the project. So I searched through my exploitation poster folders and decided to try a single figure design.

Then with a days worth of photoshop jiggery pokery and I ended up with this..

I used design elements (aka nicked bits) from this vintage tiki menu, it was challenging to replicate on the computer the old hand drawn screen print.

Then I sent of the image to Sam who added some final fantastic touches to make the finished flyer. I think it worked out rather well.

Tiki Today 27 March to 19 June 2010

2010-04-28T08:59:00.000+01:00

Two of my paintings are taking part in the Tiki Today exhibition in Scunthorpe at the

20-21 Visual Arts Centre, they are having a night of tiki celebration on Saturday 5th of June.

The full details and lots of lovely pictures can be found on their Facebook Page.

TIKOT - The Hung Tiki

2009-11-07T07:06:00.007Z

When I was asked to take part in the TIKOT group show I was given this information on the Hanged Man card...

The Hanged Man - Atomic Tony Tiki

Serenely dangling upside-down, the Hanged Man has let go of worldly attachments. He has sacrificed a desire for control over his circumstances in order to gain an understanding of, and communion with, creative energies far greater than his individual self. In letting go, the hero gains a profound perspective accessible only to someone free from everyday conceptual, dualistic reality.

Modern versions of the tarot deck depict a man hanging upside-down by one foot. The figure is most often suspended from a wooden beam (as in a cross or gallows) or a tree. Ambiguity results from the fact that the card itself may be viewed inverted. Is the man or the world upside-down?

...so I set my brain to thinking, a tiki hanging from a tree obviously, and there is really only one famous tree in the Tiki world...

...The Tangaroa tree from outside the Enchanted Tiki Room.

Since the card has duality I figured the tiki's face should be readable in two directions like a Victorian novelty image a grinning face reversed and face of agony while in the correct position.

The artwork in the show was size specific all 2D art had to be 20" x 10", so I had to build and stretch my own frame. Luckily I found a frame 20" x 30" so I had to crack out my multi tool and use the worlds bluntest saw on a hot day to cut it down.

Some super glue and sticky tape to hold the wood together, then I stretched a thick cotton re-usable carrier bag for the canvas. Then several coats of PVA glue/white acrylic to dope it and it was all ready to start.

The initial outline and the first of the red coats for the background.

On with some yellow ochre for the body.

The brown added to the tree.

The brown added for the wood-grain on the tiki body, its really time consuming, but it really works.
More colour added to the tree and some black outlines.

The darker shading added to the figure.

Highlights and mid-tones added and outlines in white for the flowers.

Mostly finished the flowers in, the rope defined and blood added to the empty socket. This is because in Norse myths Odin hung over the abyss he sacrificed his eye, so that he'd gain wisdom.

The tarot is all about cultural symbols and myths, so mixing a little Norse into the mix won't hurt.

Finally finished I toned down the yellow on the tree, added a few more lashings to the tree, added black wood-grain to the tree and went over all the highlights with more brown wood-grain, just to pull back the white.

You can read an great thread about the show on Tiki Central..

TIKOT! - Visions from the Tiki Tarot @ FBG in October

TIKOT 31st December

2009-10-24T04:00:00.002+01:00

I'm taking part in the TIKOT art show in California at the end of this month. Its a group show where we all got given a card of the major arcana to redesign in a Tiki style.

I was lucky enough to land the Hanged Man and I'll paint blog up the creation of it over the next week. Painting in the heat and excitement of Thailand is very different to Scotland.

Ten Tasks Update

2009-09-22T22:49:00.006+01:00

At the start of the year I set myself ten reasonably do-able tasks, since we are almost 3/4 of the way through the year I thought I should update you on the progress.

1. Do something charitable. - Whilst at Subway I took part in their Comic Relief Charity drive and for a month gave our tips to Charity, so this task is complete.

2. Earn £1000 from my art. - Still in progress but I have exhibited in three Artshows this year, so I have put myself out more.

3. Learn to drive. - Not yet.

4. Study a for a CELTA or equivalent. - I have my TEFL certificate and I'm off to Thailand to work for the next couple of years, so Task complete.

5. Experience Scotland like it was a foreign country. - When I visited my parents last week I went up the St Magnus Cathederal tower, so thats a pretty touristy thing done and I travelled the full length of Britain in the last month, so Task complete.

6. Learn to run. - I had to stop my gym subscription last month because I'm going to Thailand but I had started running on the tread mill and was enjoying it, so task still in progress.

7. Tattoo, get one and do one. - Not yet but time enough, so still in progress.

8. Learn a Burns poem by heart. - Not yet but time enough, so still in progress.

9. Spend Christmas with my Parents. - Not going to happen as I've mentioned before I'll be in Thailand, perhaps I could by the power of Skype, task not possible.

10. Spend Hogmanay with my friends. - Not yet but time enough, so still in progress.

So two can't be done, three complete and five more to finish, goes to show that goals you thought possible could change to impossible due to larger life changing events. Life's fun.

Fun at the Puttiki Art Show

2009-09-02T14:01:00.006+01:00

Now that I have recovered from a weekend of rum and tiki, although this morning I drank some water and still tasted rum, I thought I should post some snaps of Hastings.

So I travelled down on the train and checked into the Phoenix Guest House, which turned out to be a lovely place that was run by a couple called Ed and Victoria. From discussions with Ed I discovered he'd once worked in the Barbers beneith the Hacienda Club in Manchester and had cut the hair of everyone from Mark E Smith, Genisis P'Orrige and the Smiths. Anybody heading to Hastings stay there its a great place.

(Picture by Trader Jim as I forgot to take picures)

This is Honey Lu Lu's a small but perfectly formed Tiki Barwhere we had the show, I was sent a picture txt by my friend Rarg of this place after it opened and I'd been keen to finally get inside.

My paintings just inside the door..

(Picture by Trader Tark as I forgot to take picures)

Then the other wall with fantastic run of great Tiki Art.

(Picture by Trader Jim as I forgot to take picures)

The Honey Lu Lu's Manager, who's name slips my mind at the moment but she made us all so welcome and served many many fine cocktails all weekend long.

This is Shanon aka Shananagan, she designs shoes for a living but creates pin-ups for pleasure.

Luckily with her coming all the way from America it saved me for once, on being the furthest travelled artist to attend the show.

And Los Furias Tiki aka Sam, who with his partner Kessie aka Lady K loves were my happy hosts for the weekend. Real good people and I hope the Puttiki Event goes from strength to strength.

(Picture by Trader Jim as I forgot to take picures)

A group shot of us all from the Friday night, you can spot Trader Jim and Sian on the left, it was great to see them again and more importantly finally get my "Bou'Hua" mug in Scrimshaw glaze.

But it wasn't all drinking and crazy golf, oh no I got out and explored Hastings. Didn't get to the Crowley death house but I did find other things...

No English seaside town is complete without a pier, sadly the Hastings pier is shut, what a waste.

Hasting going all Australian with their warning signs.

The net sheds down by the beach, full of tasty fresh seafood.

There are a couple of nice museums in Hastings and the exciting smugglers caves experience to entertain yourself outside of mini-golf and tiki artshows.

A lovely exhibit on "Biddy Champion tubman of Europe".

A suit covered in silver painted winkle shells.

A nice port lamp, Hastings has many fine antique stores so if you fancy a real one, go a wander up the old town and buy a real one.

..and finally some nice bits brought back by sailors, although I doubt many people would want a stuffed albatross for their bar, perhaps just on a stick.

Thanks to Kessie and Sam for being such wonderful hosts, the staff of Honey Lu Lus for letting us hang out and display our art and Shannon for coming all the way America and being such great company all weekend.

Its only a pity I can't go again next weekend and continue the fun.

Puttiki Piece finished

2009-08-27T17:33:00.000+01:00

This is how the painting was as I left it, sitting in the kitchen.

The white still to bright so quite a heavy wash of brown goes on and that sorts out a fair chunk of the problem. Then I go arund and hunt down all the tiny bits that need fixed and go over the black lines to pull it together. Then a make the nostrils red and it getting there.

I still need to sort out the wrong white under the armpit so I repaint the brown grain and that finally fixes the problem, so I repaint all the grain on the problem areas.

Then I paint in all the bones, the little skull and the golf tee and all bar some tiny little touches the painting is ready for the Puttiki show.

So if you want to see the picture in the flesh come along to The Puttiki Art Show held in Honey Lu Lu's, Robertson Street Hastings, I'll be there all weekend.

Puttiki Piece part 3

2009-08-26T17:29:00.000+01:00

Instead of fixing I continue and paint the Shrunken Human Head, typically they are brown or occasionally white but in Lowbrow circles they can also be green. I've added a neat bone hair clasp and distinctive extended lobes on the ears to the head.

Then on with the tapa background, its the one I've used on the other paintings I'll be showing in Hastings so they should be stylistically themed.

Only as I was finished the purple did I realise that the backgound colours are the same as the in the Two Headed Maori Monster pictures...oops!

I've added some brown washes on the tiki body to pull down the white and added some white to the head, plus some silver to the golf club and the picture is approaching finished.

Just a few more bits to go....

Puttiki Piece part 2

2009-08-25T17:04:00.000+01:00

Now we start the body of the tiki, laying down the brown undercoat.

Then slapping on thicker coats of yellow ocher and more brown.

Then laying down neat brown woodgrain of the tiki.

Then its one with the black outlines to replace the yellow.

Then more brown to add the shadows on the body..

Then finally I start to add the white...

...and I screw the puppy and get all the highlites in the wrong places. Hmm thats going to take some fixing.

Puttiki Piece part 1

2009-08-24T16:49:00.000+01:00

Its been a while since I last posted up some art but I thought I should post up a sneak behind the scenes of the piece I am doing for the Puttiki Art Show down in Hastings.

When I first started this I had planned to do portrait of Alistair Crowley who famously died in Hastings, I found this cool early picture of him and I swear he's wearing a Lei...

..but the picture is tiny and lacks enough details to work on, so after four hours of pencil work and trying to get the sketch to work I had to abandon my original plan.

So with a heavy heart I rubbed of all the pencil and got my nephew to pose and knocked out a golfing tiki poised to take an almighty swing at a golf ball. Not quite right I thought perhaps he should be using a coconut as a ball or a pineapple, no not quite right. Instead of a golf ball a shrunken human head.

Early pencil lines, lots of grubby lines from the early Crowley design.

Yellow outlines started..

..outlines finished...
...and background red added.

More pictures to come tomorrow.

The Most Vile Video on the Internet

2009-08-23T14:31:00.003+01:00

I woke up on Saturday morning on my friend Rargs couch and was relaying my previous evening in my head, checking I hadn't done or said anything bad. When this memory came back of us watching a clip on the computer, a clip so vile and horrible, that it was a terrible to remember as it was watching.

You might have seen it before, you might know what I'm talking anout it features two women doing something that should be illegal for it was deinatly a crime against all good taste. But like all internet virals when I mentioned I'd seen it too my friend Maco, even when we warned him how terrible it was he wanted to see it, he was almost sick in his lap.

How could anybody have filmed this abbomonation let alone let it happen, please don't watch it your mind will never be clean again....

Celine Dion & Anastacia - You Shook Me All Night Long

Puttiki Art Show 28 - 30 August & 4 - 6 September

2009-08-09T16:56:00.002+01:00

I'm going down to Hastings this month to exhibit my new Tiki Paintings. This will be my last Art Show in Britain for a while because in September I'm moving to Bangkok.

My best friend comes from Hastings so it'll be nice to see his old home town and get to hangout in the English seaside.

Full details came be found on the Puttiki website.

You might stop the party but you can't stop the future

2009-07-12T18:53:00.001+01:00

Lovely article in the Observer music monthly about the early spiral tribe and the free party movement, kinda sad that our youth is now history..

For a brief moment, at vast and lawless raves such as Castlemorton, a generation glimpsed an alternative way of life. Speaking to survivors of the early 90s free party scene, Tim Guest tells the story of how the state crushed the dream

You might stop the party but you can't stop the future

...and all this on a day that I saw a charity store advertising old CDs with "Relive the 90s for only 50p".

Friends in funny places..

2009-05-31T00:37:00.002+01:00

Sometimes you don't see a friend for ages and then you see them referenced in a Guardian book review...

Stripping is a serious business. I recently met the director of the Ministry of Burlesque Academy, which provides classes in, among other subjects, fan dancing and glove removal. The young woman was also working towards her PhD on the adult entertainment industry in Edinburgh, called "The Private, the Public and the Pubic: Naked Power in Scotland". Her stage name is Gypsy.

More tease than strip

Shaking hands

2009-05-17T12:50:00.003+01:00

I don't read tabloids so I missed this image when it was published..

..its as disturbing as the Elvis/Nixon handshake.

From left to right Peter Sutcliffe (serial killer known as the Yorkshire Ripper), Sir Jimmy Saville (Radio DJ and Chidrens TV presenter) and Frank Bruno (ex-boxer and pantomime favorite). Its just wrong if they got Boy George to join them they could form the Evil A-Team.

The Last of Messing around with Clay.

2009-05-04T13:04:00.000+01:00

I got the last of my mugs back from ceramics and they've come out quite lovely.

This is my Cargo Cult version of the traditional Tiki Bob mug, it glazed in earthy oxides with a gloss interior. I've had a bit of intrest from fellow collector and may produce a limited run of these mugs this summer.

This is my Crargo version of the Trader Vic's Aloha Coconut Bowl I'm going to see if anyone will swap me an original for my handmade version.

Big and Clever Swearing - NSFW

2009-04-30T09:29:00.002+01:00

Went to see Armando Iannucci new film "In the Loop" last night, it has some of the best swearing and honest depictions of politicians your likely to see on screen.

This clip below is Tuckers's Law which was too sweary for the film, thankfully somebody posted it on youtube..

..I think I have an embroidery project to undertake.

The fruits of messing around in clay..

2009-04-04T12:53:00.004+01:00

My ceramics course has been finished for more than a week now, so I guess I better show what I've made. Mostly all the mugs have been fired and glazed now, so this mug was my first, a scowling tribal warrior mug, with a two tone outer glaze and a translucent gloss inner glaze.

Then we have my three face bucket mug, it has a black under glaze that I sponged back and then covered with thick toffee like gloss glaze.

My third mug is based on my Cthulhu Tiki mug design, again with the two tone glaze, which took two firing to get right. The terracotta clay shows through the top glaze quite a bit, so even though the top glaze is green and gray lots of red shows.

I moved from using te terracotta clay into using paper clay which is lot more forgiving and more importantly is a white clay, so the glaze colours are more true.

I glazed this Monster Moai with a black undercoat that I sponged back and applied an opaque green glaze on top. The glaze didn't work as I thought and after it was fired the glaze cracked and continued to "Plink" for two weeks after.

I made two more mugs but am still waiting for them to be glaze fired, so hopefully I'll be posting them after the easter holidays.

Another Giant fish?

2009-03-30T21:13:00.004+01:00

Having blogged about the giant pink plush shark I spotted in a local stream, I was interested to read about the South American armored Suckermouth found in a river in Leicestershire...

...Damn that one ugly fish.

BIG UGLY FISH FOUND IN RIVER

Fix it for me!

2009-03-24T21:47:00.003Z

Its quite the week for geek furniture, Trekkies can now spend £1856 on a replica Captain's Chair but I noticed on eBay a better way to spend that money..

..its the 1977 "Jim'll Fix it Chair", now you can lord it over small children like a benevolent super villain. It even comes with an original badge and ash from Sir Jimmy Savile's cigar.
Ah how times have changed a children tv presenter who's trademark was to always be smoking.

BUY THE "JIM'LL FIX IT CHAIR" £2450

As a child I could never decide on what I wanted Jimmy to Fix for me, I had a vague plan about a life sized fiberglass hipopotamus that was also a submarine/motor home but I could never explain it in words.

My Tiki Mug Collection

2009-03-17T20:28:00.003Z

Most of my Tiki mug collection lives in cardboard boxes, until such time as I settle down or open my own Tiki bar the only way to keep track of them is through my Ooga Mooga page. So today I opened some boxes and took pictures of about half my collection, I'll attempt to get them all posted up soon.

Atomic Tony Tiki's Tiki Mug Collection

Even More Messin' Around With Mud

2009-03-09T08:48:00.002Z

When I was working on my last mug I really liked some parts of it and decided to take them further. So I took the photos of it and fiddled with them in Photoshop to mock/sketch my next project.
This new mug is made with Paper Clay, which is an amazing clay with paper pulp mixed with the clay, this gives it amazing properties, you can work dry clay with wet, you just have to wet the clay to get the bits to stick together. Fantastic stuff, I don't think I'll go back to using normal clay.

The mug to the right has been biscuit fired and you can see its first layer of glaze, I'll finally get my three other mugs back glazed on this coming Thursday.

The streaky lines didn't work as well as I thought on the third mug, so for this one I went for a much stronger golf ball texture.

The finished mug it should be fired for Thursday and ready for glazing, I've only got three weeks left of my course, so I'll have to plan my remaining time wisely.

Going to Lan-dahn!!

2009-03-04T22:50:00.004Z

I was lucky enough to have my Captain Hold Fast mug included in the new book by Jay Strongman 'TIKI MUGS - Artifacts of Polynesian Pop' so I'm of to the big city to show my support and quaff a few much needed Mai Tais.

I Just Can't Get Enough?

2009-03-03T19:49:00.002Z

I'm not sure how I feel about the "Saturdays", a processed pop girl band created to destroy "Girls Aloud". I think if you want to create something to Destroy a girl-group then build an atomic monster or raise a zombie hoard, but I do know I approve of this Pin-up themed pop video.

Signs of Spring?

2009-03-01T22:06:00.001Z

After the brief flurries of snow that crippled Britain snow last month its good to see some signs of spring coming.
The snowdrops pushing trough, sap rising and the return of migrating animals.

I was walking to work when I spotted the distinctive colouring of this fishy visitor and was lucky enough to snap some pictures of it.

Ah you know its spring when the giant pink plush sharks* swim upstream to spawn.

*(what's slightly worrying about this is that in the last six months two bodies have been found in this river, perhaps this ain't a toy but a fancy dress costume)

Another secret genre?

2009-02-28T21:57:00.003Z

I was hunting for a book for a friend and went into a Waterstones near Glasgow Central Train Station and discovered another whole section of books I'd never heard of. I know romantic literature is popular with young ladies and they all love a vampire, so I guess it was an easy jump to create "Paranormal Romance".

Cannibal & Zombie - part 2

2009-02-25T09:05:00.001Z

Finally I found an Artstore in Glasgow that sells big tubs of plaster, I got tired of buying tiny expensive packets of plaster and my favorite type of plaster "Stonecast" is no longer produced.

First cast from the mold, notice how dirty it gets from clay residue on the mold.

The cast trimmed down to fit the plate frames I found.

First coat of ochre paint, I'm trying to steal the colour theme from the cover art of Les Baxters "Ritual of the Savage".

Darker colours added.

Blues and further greens, then I took a wee break from finishing the piece, and then rattled through finishing it, I forgot to take pictures of it until I added all the final painting and given it a final coat of gloss varnish.

This finished cast will be winging its way to Australia for the "Gasoline & Garterbelt" Artshow in March.

Knickers to Re-Cycling!

2009-02-24T20:04:00.002Z

In tribute to the "kred-eet cHruinch" (I'm not pronouncing or spelling this over used phrase this year, like Rumpelstiltskin or Demons, to name a thing is to have power over it so I refuse to use this depressing little phrase) I engaged in some Making-do-and-mending today.

This is my favorite white shirt, it has a lovely hula girl emroidered on the back, with a real wiggly grass skirt. Its made by Dragonfly and I found it reduced in TK Max years ago and wore it on my wedding day.

As you can see the skirt has frayed and looks really moth eaten.

Once a few years ago my wife challenged me to buy her some sexy pants for Xmas, well I failed with these tasseled showgirl pants. She never wore them but I have identified them as a suitable source of replacement hula girl skirt tassels.

Advert your eyes vicar, the lady has no skirt on, I had to unpick the original skirt from behind.

Finally the replacement skirt sewn on and the shirt is ready to be worn again, after a wee wash as its a bit musty from being at the back of the wardrobe unworn for so long.

Rarg a Steampunk Pin-up?

2009-02-23T08:36:00.003Z

Ever one to experiment with fashion, my good friend Rarg (him that I painted the Wogan picture for) was telling me the other day, that another friend of his had pointed him towards a Steampunk website which had taken the pictures of him at the World Beard and Mustache championships and made it into a wallpaper.

So I tracked it down to Steampunk Wallpapers..

Description: Do you Tire of Being Confined to this Dismal Earth? Do you Envy the Birds their Careless Flight? There is Hope! Enlist in the Aerocorps Today! Penetrate the Very Firmament! See the Wonders of the Sky! You Will Fly, Guaranteed.*

*Landings not Guaranteed.

"Generation" Exhibition

2009-02-22T18:06:00.003Z

Back when I was a teenager in Orkney, we were often taken to see the graduate show at the Pier Arts Centre, Stromness in Orkney. I often wondered what art I'd be exhibiting there once I graduated art college.
The Arts Centre hasn't done a Orcadian graduate show in ages so I was lucky enough to discover that they had stated doing them again and sent off some art.
So if you fancy catching my animation "The Kong Tiki Affair" and looking at a couple of Sleazy Cheezy posters then pop along.

Generation
Orkney Art Graduates 2001 -2008

An exhibition highlighting the work of new artists, designers and makers from Orkney who have graduated with a degrees in Art and Design over the last 8 years. Since opening in 1979, Pier Arts Centre graduate exhibitions have regularly featured the work of Orkney's artists, showing more than 70 artists to date.

21st February to 4th April

Further Messin' Around With Mud

2009-02-20T08:53:00.005Z

Frighteningly I'm half way through my ceramics course so I'm having to plan on what I can finish in the time left. For the last two weeks I've been glazing my first mug and working on a new one.

This one is based on my design for a Cthulhu Tiki mug.
A snarling tiki face rising above the ruins on R'lyeh , imagine if you will the type of mug that would be used in Trader Vic's, if the Trader had been equally influenced by the dammned idols of Cthulhu as Polynesian Tikis.

Slabs of clay around a cheap glass bud vase I found in Poundland.

Re-using that nose design from my last mug.

Looks a bit like a cyclops moai.

The other face on the back, continuing the joined face theme.

Sharp pointy teeth.

Thats as far as I got that week and then I dropped it, so I had to do a bit of repair before I started more details.
Adding the slabs around the base.

Strange layers of slabs.

I used the tines of fork to add the texture on the body of the mug, once its dry I'll clean them up and remove any little bits of clay. I've seen a lovely dark chrome glaze which would add a lovely other-worldy look to the mug, that or some ichor like drip glaze.

Come to the Sabbat

2009-02-18T22:00:00.003Z

"BLACK SABBATH are tired of being called a Black Magic group - and being likened to Black Widow.
Lead guitarist Tommy Iommi phoned from Birmingham to clear up the confusion. "People are bringing us down saying we are a Black Magic group. I think they must be getting mixed up with Black Widow. We don't to any sacrifices on stage and we're not on a Black Magic kick".

From the liner notes of Black Widow's "Sacrifice"

Gotta love the psych-prog music of the midlands other early heavy metal band with "black" in their name. Finally I've gotten a copy of their album "Sacrifice", no more will I have to rely on a friend to smuggle a rare copy out of his dad's record collection, when I want to listen to it. It was getting ridiculous, his dad lives in Hastings, that's a two day round trip just to listen to it.

Where To Buy Me Presents.

2009-02-10T20:03:00.002Z

Cheeky Tiki, Britain's premier tropical terrorists have a snazzy new website.
Often when people make an excuse about not buying me tiki mugs as presents they say "you've got so many I don't know what to get you", well I don't have enough Cheeky Tiki mugs, top quality mugs and there in the UK so no airmail shipping hassles.

Cheeky Tiki's New Website

Lux Interior R.I.P.

2009-02-06T21:12:00.003Z

Bugger now I'll never get to see the Cramps, unless some midnight movie mad scientist has a reanimation serum they could use on him. There the only band I know of that would welcome a undead singer.

Lux Interior Obituary

Another day playin' in da clay.

2009-02-06T20:37:00.006Z

More fun, almost finished another mug, this one is based on the three faces bucket mug but mine has three joining snarling mouths..

I think this face is too human looking face on so I'll try and fix it next week with some texture...

See the human-ish face is much better from the side.

This is my favorite face and I only created it in a rush, to fit the space left by the the other two having taken up too much space.

You get some lovely abstract half faces where the two faces meet.

I think this face needs fixed as well.

Oh well we'll see what we can do next week.

What Was Done To The Drunkin' Sailor

2009-02-01T18:43:00.003Z

"Drunken sailors" have been removed from the lyrics of a nursery rhyme in a government-funded books project.

Grim news has reached me that "Drunkin' sailor" is to be replaced with a Grumpy Pirate in a new government sponsored songbook. I don't often rise to these "political correctness gone mad" stories, as I grew up in the seventies and remember when racist and derogatory language used to poison our minds, but being from a nautical family I lament at the loss of the references to burial at sea and brutal floggings in Children's rhymes. Next they'll make "ring-a-ring of roses" not be warning about bubonic plaugue.

So I hear by warn the world that every child I meet that sings te Grumpy Pirate song will be taught by me the few verses of "The Good-Ship Venus" that I can remember, you have been warned.

More Messin' Around With Mud

2009-01-30T18:25:00.000Z

Ah the joys of ceramics class, this was how far I'd got last week on my first mug, so I unwrapped it and started to put the finishing touches to it.

Since the clay was close to "leather hard" I couldn't add more clay to the mug so had to just concentrate on adding texture to the design. I tried various things like faux wood grain and cross hatching but ended up using a broken clay tool to push little glyph like marks.

I sent this image to my brother and he asked me if I had covered the mug in Sumerian cuneiform and I responded "Ur no, it just looks like it". Well we laughed.

The first mug is now waiting to dry before firing and then I get to explore glazes and such. Then I started on a second mug which will have three joining tiki faces. Hopefully next week tat will be finished and then I can get started on making my slip cast mold.

Cannibal & Zombie - part 1

2009-01-27T19:42:00.007Z

I spent today working on a new molded tiki art work, in the same vein as the "Wee Drunkin' Tiki" and "Screw'd, Stew'd & Tattoo'd".

Inspired by my ceramics class I decided instead of using the plasticine that I normally use, I went for normal ceramics clay. I've had this bag for a couple of years now and smelt a bit fusty but was still moist and usable.

Its like a big chocolate cookie, I've chosen the circle shape because I found three round frames in a charity store before Christmas, I think they are for framing plates.

The first figure added a Marquesian Tiki, he was more friendly in the sketch I made on the clay but my hands have made him more snarling with pointy shark teeth.

The second figure added, a cannibal tiki, inspired by illustration in Taboo Table, the cannibal is about to chow down on a Trader Vic's Menehune. I've gone for a faux lava effect in the background like on a Coco Joes Lava plaque.

I add a pie crust style wall around the piece to hold the gelflex...

...but first I have to recyle an old mold and "Screw'd, Stew'd & Tattoo'd" is for the chop.

I pulled a cast out of this mold last week and discovered it had seriously deteriated in the last year, its going to take a lot of cleaning beforeit is ready for paint. But that project is for next week.
The last quater, I chop all the mold up and then melt it down in a pot on the stove. Its best to do this process when everybody is out of the house, so they can't see the mess I make or complain about the fumes.

The pie case with its blue vinyl filing.

Once the mold sets (this takes about half an hour) I lift it out of the clay and inspect it. When I've used plasticine the heat of the Gelflex cooks the clay and distorts mold, but this time the ceramic clay has given a great impression.
I suspect the mold is touch shallow but I can allways build it up with clay when I make the plaster casts later in the week, I can hardly wait.

Supermarket Archeology and Celebrity Shorts

2009-01-25T11:08:00.003Z

The Waterways authority have been cleaning out a local burn and have dredged out this fantastically decayed shopping trolley.

As you can see by the handle it escaped from the long disappeared supermarket chain Presto. In biblical terms Templetons married Wm Lows who beget Presto who beget Safeways who beget Tesco who is arch enemies of Asda (but they be secretly Walmart).
Presto was named after the first town they opened in Prestonpans, which in turn gave its name to the best Scottish surf band named after a Sunday Day trip destinations, Preston Pfanz & the Seaton Sands.
While charity shopping I saw Cher's white lace cycling shorts for only 40 quid, guaranteed by a letter of authenticity to have come from her own privet wardrobe. Then in a mental health charity shop I saw a worlds best dad figurine, which was reading a newspaper, somebody had altered the figure by gluing segments of newspaper onto the figures sculpted newspaper. Each of those tiny scaps of newspaper were cut from articles on incest and child abuse, I think somebody might just have some issues with their father.

Messin' Around With Mud

2009-01-23T09:01:00.000Z

So I started my ceramics course and have gotten down to slinging some clay, so this is my first experimental tiki mug.
Since I'm trying slab building the mugs a bit flat, I'm sort of treating the clay like cardboard but I'll loosen up once I finish my first sculpt.

The class is only 3 hours long, the same as my one of the shifts in my unloved job, those three hours feel like they last three days but the three hours of class were gone in seconds.
This is not the sum total of my slinging I just worked right up to the end and forgot to take a final picture. So I have all the major bits added and I've loosely wrapped the clay and placed it in the wet cupboard for next week, this will let the clay dry to "Leather hard" and let me carve into the clay and leave clean marks.
Can't wait until next week!

Tony Hart Everyone Favorite Art Teacher Dies

2009-01-18T17:46:00.007Z

Tony Hart was one of the best children television presenters of the seventies and eighties, his art tips never excited me as a child, but boy did those tip get me through art college. Now with a heavy heart I read that he has passed away, I'm sure his plastacine pal morph will be shedding a few tears at his leaving.

Artist and children's presenter Tony Hart has died, aged 83.

Wake up to Wogan.

2009-01-18T16:36:00.005Z

Another new painting, originally this was going to be another baby portrait but that didn't work out, but the parents in question are huge fans of Saint Terry Wogan so I decided to knock out an icon for them, of the be-wigged one.

Early pencil and red line work on the face.

Background of red and lots of the pencil rubbed out, unfortunately the cheap pre-stretched canvas starts to sag quite early on and it flaps rather than pings like a drum.

Yellow ocher layers and the start of some shading.

Brown lines added to shape the hair, its important to get Wogan's unique hair described correctly.

Darker shades added.

The blue/green of the eyes filled in and the white wings of his hair, plus all the major highlights.

Now Jill was meant to do her glitter and sequin magic on the painting but she was busy with college work, so I have to do my own. Spikey star bursts and shamrocks I think.

Laying down silver paint to back the glitter paint.

The silver all done, the glitter paint is made from coloured glitter in a clear suspension so it has to go over a background colour.
There was far to much indelible pencil marks all over the red, so I change it to blue.

The shamrocks go green with a thick black outline and it time to do the glittering.

Slap on the glitter and the painting is ready for a gloss varnish coat to pin down the glitter and stops it drifting of the work.
Now thats the last of the Xmas paintings done, its time to start new works for the Tiki Beat Art Show in March.

R.I.P. Tails

2009-01-15T18:51:00.003Z

One of my least favorite things about living in the future, is that so often the internet is the conduit by which I am informed of peoples deaths, that kick in the guts while staring at a screen I can do without.

So once again this happened on Sunday when I read that the body piercer and underground techno D.J. Tails had died of a heartattack. I have known Tails from the underground club scene in Edinburgh for the last ten years and he cut quite the striking image over six foot tall, shaven head, facial tattoos and enough piercings to make me wonder whether he'll be buried or weighed in for scrap.

My little brother recon you never die as long as your remembered in peoples stories, well Tails called Saturday Belly-button day because that was all he ever seemed to pierce on a Saturday.

Tails took ages over deciding over whether or not to get his face tattooed, not because it might limit his future employment "Its not like anybody would want me in an office" but because he didn't want to encourage children to get facial tattoos. This was because the pupils of Musselbourgh High School had voted him coolest guy on the planet, "That means I'm cooler than people that have been on the moon", it was a lot to live up too. Sort of like Mr T, a hard looking bastard but good with kids, don't know how good he'd have been at building a tank but if you wanted a hole put through you he'd be the man.

About the time I first met Tails he was hit in the face by a chunk (like a half coconut sized chunk) of firework shrapnel during the "End of the Festival Fireworks", I said to him that was lucky as you could sue the council or at least get yourself on the front of the paper, Body Piercer Hit by Firework, but he said no it was as good as winning the lottery because of all the people who looked up at the fireworks only he got a chunk in his face.

But for what I'll always remember him for is the advice he gave me, I'd just discovered how fast you can push up a Prince Albert from 2mm to 8mm and was wondering how far you could go. Tails told me about his mate who'd taught him piercing and how he'd been a very keen self experimenter and now had seven holes in his todger, each one of them big enough to pass your index finger through but now his cock barely worked, so think ahead. Good advice.

Tails in your life you put holes in a lot of us but none as big as the one that will be left from your passing.

R.I.P. Tails Facebook Group

All that Gltters..

2009-01-10T15:14:00.004Z

One of the Xmas presents we made for Xmas was portrait of our newly born niece Anja, I had liked one lovely picture of her with her tongue sticking out, her parents describe it as her Oscar winning full-tard look, so i used it as the basis of the picture.

Pencil and the yellow background.

Red outline to back up the pencil marks.

The pencil marks rubbed out, now she looks like a planet of the apes human mutant.

Chunks of the shading, in pinks and light brown washes.

Blue for the eyes.

More shading and the finer details, bit of ginger for her fine baby hair, yes my niece is a ginger.

With white for the final highlights and my work is done on the picture and the horrible realization creeps into my brain that since I can paint babies, then perhaps I should paint more because there is money in painting babies.

Then I hand the picture over to my wife Jill to complete the background in her own unique style.

Big blocks of red, as she heads towards a Russian religious icon style.

Purple paint and Anja starts to look like a jester.

The first of many layers of gold paint, glitter and sequins, several graft sets worth.

Even more glitter and gold.

Yet more glitter, I have to point out that she applies all these tiny sparkles/spangles whilst sitting on our bed, so drifts of them accumulate in the sheets. This means that no matter how many times we change the sheets still we wake up with bits of glitter affixed to our bodies.

Finally with some dark purple paint and silver glitter the sticking is finished and a spay or two of gloss fixes all the sparkles and this most unique of baby portraits is finished.

Anja's parents were happy to receive this gift, whilst Anja is perhaps to young to recognize herself as a piece of art, she is happy to spend hours staring at the glitter.

Evening class booked

2009-01-07T20:48:00.002Z

I got news from the Met College to say I had a place on the January Ceramic Art Evening class, so every Thursday from the 22nd I'll be getting to sling some clay. Hope fully I'll have time to hand make a tiki mug for the Tonga Hut show.

Ten tasks of Atomic Tony Tiki

2009-01-01T10:21:00.003Z

After watching my mother-in-law fail at her new years resolution of "not thinking bad of people or swearing" in under 10 minutes of the bells, it started me thinking what my tasks or shit-list should be this year..

1. Do something charitable. - Either volunteer or raise some money for a charity or cause.

2. Earn £1000 from my art. - From selling paintings, prints or other crafts.

3. Learn to drive. - Yeah 34 and I still can't drive, time to stop being a passenger.

4. Study a for a CELTA or equivalent. - So I can work my way around the world.

5. Experience Scotland like it was a foreign country. - This year I saw more sights in foreign countries than I have ever seen in Scotland, time to explore this country before I leave it.

6. Learn to run. - I pay to go to the gym so I need to set some sort of goal, a mile in 10 minutes by the end of the year.

7. Tattoo, get one and do one. - I've always fancied trying my hand at tattooing and getting another will just be a treat for me.

8. Learn a Burns poem by heart. - Its the 250 anniversary of Robert Burn's birth so I think it might be fitting to learn one by heart.

9. Spend Christmas with my Parents. - My folks live up in the Orkneys a days travel away and its often difficult to get the time of to go there but Xmas 2009 will be in Orkney.

10. Spend Hogmanay with my friends. - Watching the Bells on Telly with a migraine is no New Years, so if i have to book a castle I will be at a party next Hogmanay.

Computing the my little pony way..

2008-12-26T13:55:00.002Z

Having been surprised at my own lack of knowledge of window (I've only used it for 11 years not understood it) I got my father-in-law "vista for dummies" as a Christmas present, but knowing he'd probably take offense at getting a dummies book I recovered it with this image I created..

..somebody give me a proper job!

Its finally Kitschmas - last door

2008-12-25T11:16:00.002Z

And behind the last door is Monty Python, who remind us that its Christmas in Heaven everyday...

..and the perils of eating to much this Christmas...

...so I hope you all have a happy Christmas, one and all.

its almost here its almost Kitschmas - door 24

2008-12-24T09:13:00.003Z

When i was a kid advent calenders only had 24 doors, then the 25 door appeared and just before the millennium they stretched to include new year. Well this advent has one more door tomorrow so what behind door 24? Why its will there be a Santa Claus!

I'm of the age when a lot of my friends have just had kids and are facing the choice of whether to launch into the Santa Mythos and potentially scar their child for life by "Lying" to them or be a kill-joy Grinch and tell them that their is no Santa Claus.

So I asked them and was surprised to find that they were all mostly for Santa but anti the christian bit of christmas, which I can only attribute to their children not being at school yet and not having the terrifying prospect of the Nativity to explain. Sheppard's flocks out in winter, angels, wise men, virgin births, oh yes it makes a jolly fat man delivering presents a much more belivable concept.

YES VIRGINIA THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS

NORAD SANTA TRACKER

Its Kitschmas - door 23

2008-12-23T09:26:00.002Z

Almost finished as we reach "The Night of the Radishes" not a low budget vegetarian horror movie but a enchanting art event in Oaxaca, where the large red radishes into nativity scenes.
I remember those radishes well, on my return flight from Mexico many years ago i asked for the vegetarian meal, which was identical to the meat-eaters except the fish/chicken had been replaced by slices of large red radish.

Ah behind door 23 we have the return of John Waters and his Christmas compilation album "A John Waters Christmas", a fantastic collection of Christmas songs, I'm torn between the Chipmonks or Little mary Christmas as being the best track.

1. Fat Daddy “Fat Daddy (Is Santa Claus)”
2. Tiny Tim “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”
3. Stormy Weather “Christmas Time Is Coming (A Street Carol)”
4. Little Cindy “Happy Birthday Jesus (A Child’s Prayer)”
5. Rudolph and Gang “Here Comes Fatty Claus”
6. Roger Christian “Little Mary Christmas”
7. Big Dee Irwin and Little Eva “I Wish You A Marry Christmas”
8. Jimmy Donley “Santa! Don’t Pass Me By”
9. Alvin and The Chipmunks “Sleigh Ride”
10. Rita Faye Wilson “Sleigh Bells, Reindeer and Snow”
11. The Coctails “First Snowfall”
12. AKIM & the Teddy Vann Production Company “Santa Claus Is A Black Man”

Its Kitschmas - door 22

2008-12-22T23:12:00.003Z

A bit late tonight but i was off buying the last Xmas presents and then had to wrap them, so behind door 22 is the classic cult movie "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", since the actual movie is quite painfull to watch here is the abridged MST3K version.

Its Kitschmas - door 21

2008-12-21T17:16:00.004Z

This will all soon be finished as we open door 21 and since today is the winter solstice we have some harmless hippy pagans. Since I went to Australia this summer then officially I've had two winter solstices, two shortest days, well the wind is blowing and the weather is just grim outside but at least the nights will start getting shorter.

I wonder if I build a Wicker Man will the summer come faster...

p.s. see in "The Wicker Man" the fat baby being breast-fed in the graveyard, well that is my friend and industrial artist Dillon MacEwan.

It's Kitschmas - Door 20

2008-12-20T11:48:00.000Z

Door 20 is a conundrum once upon a time David Bowie and Bing Crosby got together and recorded this version of Little Drummer Boy...

...and now Terry Wogan and Aled Jones have covered this rather strange event...

...but I do know that no matter who covers Little Drummer Boy it still scares my wife.

It's Kitschmas - Door 19

2008-12-19T12:28:00.000Z

Behind door 19 is Jona Lewie's Anti-War Christmas hit "Stop the Cavalry", which references the truce in the trenches during Word War One, lets hope there are a few truces in the conflicts around the world this Christmas.

It's Kitschmas - Door 18

2008-12-18T14:15:00.001Z

Behind door 18 is my little brother Danny who is getting married today and before you ask no its not a civil partnership, his cute sailor boy outfit is because he's in the Royal Navy. I look forward to celebrating his marriage to his bride to be Emma.

I hope there is wedding cake...

It's Kitschmas - Door 17

2008-12-17T13:04:00.000Z

And now we are on to door 17 and since the world of shopping has turned into a snarling beast, we have in the way of an antidote...

The Reverend Billy & The Church of Stop Shopping

It's Kitschmas Konspiricy Round Up - Door 16

2008-12-16T12:24:00.000Z

Philip K Dick would have been 80 today, so to celebrate his birthday behind door 16 is a round up of some Christmas Conspiracies...

The Christmas Conspiracy - Working for the Christmasization of all commerce.

How the Nazis Stole Christmas - A seasonal tale of politics, propaganda and paganism in Hitler's Third Reich

The Christmas Conspiracy - The Pagan Origins of Christmas

Santa's Red suit - The Coca-Cola Conspiracy

Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer - The evil truth.

Santa or Satan - I can think of one Conspiracy writer who's going on the naughty list.

The Santa Conspiracy- and another 9/11 writer goes on the LIST.

Munny I is scared!!! part two

2008-12-15T20:51:00.004Z

I finally finished the Munny today..

..so after the ocher undercoat I applied my patented wood grain effect all over the figure...

..then once that dried I painted on the face, with a sky blue and baby pink facial tattoo. At this point my good-lady-wife exclaimed "what's happened he's stopped being cute, now he's scary". I think the next one will be cuter but this one is the practice Munny.

So the finishing touches, three layers of spray gloss paint, a bit of superglue and a wooden plinth. The necklace the Munny is wearing is a dog tooth I found on the road in Fiji, which I didn't quite smuggle back through customs I just forgot it was in my back pocket, I don't think it was from an endangered dog, just a dog that might have to start brushing more regularly or drink soup.

The most difficult part of the project was finding the plinth, I tried to find an ornament in a charity store I could salvage one off, but ended up having to go to model shops. Where I discovered that some stores "don't do those things, you want a military model shop!".
I should have guessed where you find geeks you find geek cliques. That'll teach me to try and buy millitaria supplies in a train/doll house store.

It's Kitschmas - Door 15

2008-12-15T11:52:00.002Z

Ahhhh! its Mulled Wine or they call it on the continent Glühwein. One of the best thing to happen to me this year was that I discovered I could drink red wine again.
About 6 years ago red wine started to give me migraines, so I had to avoid it, then when I was in Vietnam I was given a glass of red and out of politeness drank it and discovered that I was cured.

Discover the joys of Christmas drinking with these recipes for Egg Nog and Gluhwein, or listen to one of my fravorite albums Ultra-Lounge: Christmas Cocktails.

I wish it could be Kitschmas every day - door 14

2008-12-14T13:11:00.000Z

Behind door 14 is yet another glam rock classic, with Wizzard and "I wish it could be Christmas every day", Wizzard's singer Alan Moore gone on to greater fame as a crotchety comic book writer and snake worshiper.

Not a dry eye in the house....

2008-12-13T23:09:00.001Z

Just back from "Its a Wonderful Life" and can report that for the last ten minutes of the film it was almost drowned out by the gentle sobbing and loud sniffing, it felt like proper Christmas.
Who said Glaswegians were all hard.

It's a Wonderfull Kitschmas - Door 13

2008-12-13T12:14:00.000Z

Whats behind door 13, is it ZuZu's Petals no its the ever popular yuletide movie Frank Capra's "Its a Wonderfull Life", which I shall be going tonight to the cinema, to watch for the umpteenth time and shall enjoy it as much as the first time.

It's Kitschmas - Door 12

2008-12-12T12:07:00.000Z

What the hell is that behind door 12? Its the Pine Cone Santa that I bought at a jumble sale when i was six, I swear its made from goat fur and sacking, like the Christmas decoration Robinson Crusoe might have made on his deserted island.

Today is the day the Christmas tree goes up and the presents start to pile up beneath it.

Bettie Page the newest and most glamorous star in heaven

2008-12-12T08:47:00.003Z

Bettie Page, she who launched a thousand fringes, has died aged 85 in Los Angeles.
She has been one of my major crush objects since i first saw fridge magnets of her back in the early 90's, when she was still missing.

I used her images for several Sleazy Cheezy fliers and will be interested to see which images of her will be printed in the quality newspapers.

It's Kitschmas - Door 11

2008-12-11T12:46:00.000Z

What is behind door 11....

...why its Gandalf, ah remember when Christmases of the past were all about the release of the latest installment of the "Lord of the Rings", bum-numbing bladder-bursting epics. Roll on the Hobbit..

It's Kitschmas - Door 10

2008-12-10T13:21:00.000Z

I've been thinking about good Christmas double bills, mixing traditional telly fare with something bit outre, so what would be better to slob out to than Raymond Briggs "The Snowman" followed by the wintry chills of The Residents "Eskimo"

(apologies You Tube is lacking any footage from the DVD version of Eskimo)

It's Kitschmas - Door 9

2008-12-09T13:24:00.001Z

I wonder what in the name of Sweet Zombie Jesus is behind door 9....

..why its the Sweet Zombie Jesus himself, who'd have though that popular boy band Mcfly would provide us with the Yuletide Zombies that make this season so jolly.

It's Kitschmas - Door 8

2008-12-08T11:19:00.001Z

Door eight pays tribute to Bodhi Day, the day that the historical Buddha Siddhartha Gautauma achieved enlightenment, Santa must be a Buddhist because he's always concerned with karma and who's been naughty or nice.

My top Buddha themed Christmas present suggestion would be "The Years of Rice and Salt" by Kim Stanley Robinson , an alternative history of the world where europe was wiped out by the black death in the middle ages. Not only it a great piece of alt.history I love it that the Orkneys are mentioned in it.

It's Kitschmas - Door 7

2008-12-07T11:14:00.001Z

What is behind door seven...

"It was the Yuletide, that men call Christmas though they know in their hearts it is older than Bethlehem and Babylon, older than Memphis and mankind"

- H.P.Lovecraft "The Festival"

How can you Cthulhu up your Yuletide, well you could read Lovecrafts 1923 short story The Festival, while listening to the Unbearably Scary Solstice Songs of the H.P.Lovecraft Historical Society, which you can listen too below or buy them in a special Yuletide tentacle stocking HERE.

The Festival by H.P.Lovecraft - Dagonbytes.com

Its Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fish-Men - HPLHS

The Carol of the Old Ones - HPLHS

Beer Vs Biscuits

2008-12-07T09:59:00.006Z

Having worked in various live music pubs and clubs, I consider myself to have been to one hell of a lot of gigs in my time, so its nice to contrast the two most recent gigs I've been too.

The Beer gig was at the Halt Bar, there was two bands, one was a white stripes style man and lady band who sounded like the Dead Kennedys meets the White Stripes singing in the Velvet Underground style or the "Dead White Velvets". The second band were a four piece all blokes who looked like hipster teachers and sounded like Magazine and the Buzzcocks.
Thanks to Beer I can't remember much more than that, oh and they were all from Leeds and the gig was organized by my mate Joe the Plumber (not the American one but real guy named joe who is a plumber and has been known as that for far longer than the other).

Last night was the Tea gig held at a tiny tea shop, "Tchai Ovna" hidden down a back lane. The shop is like someones living room and they do wide selection of teas, nice place reminds me of various squat bars from my youth.
So we were there to watch "Allo Darlin" an Australian Songstress on her Ukelele, and it were great, her best song was one called "Emma" which was all about a girl who'd nicked her boyfreind, by the way she put her heart into singing it you could tell it had actually happened but also it was still a touchy subject.
Very nice gig, small audience but since I've worked at nights where the barstaff have outnumbered the band and audience, so I know its all about whether people are enjoying themselves or not. The oddest part of the gig was comming home not drunk but over full of tea, like you've just been visiting your granny.

Xmas Shopping Blogging

2008-12-06T17:48:00.003Z

Shouldn't have done it, but it had to be done, Xmas shopping is the anti-Christmas, no good cheer and some people seem to just go out to stand in the streams of people and cause stress.

But one of the joys of Xmas shopping is entering shops and looking at stuff you'd never normally look at and I'm always surprised at the thing that people will buy.
For instance a few years back I was in the ladies shop "Accessorize" to buy my wife some ear-rings and there I discovered grown women buying clothes for dogs. I gave the woman in question a withering man look and she came to her senses and put the dog dress back on the hanger.

So I was in Borders Books looking at the Biography section, my dad likes a biography and I was seeing if there was something up his street and discovered an entire section called "True Lives" which as far as I can tell are hideous true stories of child abuse and rape. They all have the same cover, sad child, hand written font for the authors name and a title like Ugly, A Child called it, Slapped Bairns or Please Daddy Don't. Apparently Waterstones has a similar section and its called "Damaged Lives", who new misery was such a big seller.

It's Kitschmas - Door 6

2008-12-06T11:19:00.000Z

I wonder what treat lies behind door 6....

.....ah its Zwarte Piet the secret Dutch Christmas shame.

Ten years ago I was living in a Vegan Communist Straight Edge Squat in the south of Holland and my fellow squatters were very pro-active and wiling to create "actions" against any perceived injustices. Once when a Pychobilly band played and had pin-up girl back drops the in-house feminist group invaded the stage and protested until the offending items were removed.
Then Christmas came and on dutch TV they have Sinterklaas arriving in his ship on the news and I see the old white guy dressed like a bishop and i ask "who's that?", and I'm told "Sinterklaas, he's like Santa Claus but he leaves presents on the 6th of December".
"And the guy's all blacked up?"
"Oh that's Zwarte Piet, Black Peter he's Sinterklaas helper, he peeps through the windows to see if your good and then reports back to Sinterklaas".
"And the're white guys, blacked up?"
"Yes it is a great honour"
"But they are blacked up?"
"It is tradition, it is not racist".
"We used to have Black and White Minstrals in Britain"
"Yes but those are racist"
"You don't really spread the whole Zwarte Piet bit, about dutch Christmases do you?"
"Yes, But its tradition".

Since Zwarte Piet has only been around since 1850 and only then created to replace the Krampus, so it funny to think how the sanitized part of the dutch Christmas myth has become more offensive than the original.

Seine Krampus Nacht - Tür fünf

2008-12-05T11:19:00.000Z

So door five is the Krampus, the red tongued black devil companion of Saint Nicholas, and this is the night he would go abroad and check on the "goodness" of all little children and eat the bad ones. The Krampus is the veiled threat in the song "Santa Claus is coming to town", so tonight children be good, for goodness sake.

IT'S KITSCH-maaaaaaaasssssssss!!!!! -door 4

2008-12-04T11:19:00.000Z

Its cold enough for Christmas but yet there seems to be something missing, I'm sure it will come to me as I open door four....

....why that's whats missing the "Its Christmas" roar of Glam Rock God Noddy Holder and the boys from Slade.

It's Kitschmas - Door 3

2008-12-03T14:00:00.001Z

Personally I like an advent calender to have chocolate behind the door, nothing beats that cheap sugary hit everyday to mark the days until the blessed baby zombie Jesus returns once more...

...Oh my Gosh! My good friend Jamie said about this that once you watch it you can never unwatch it, its like seeing GOATSIE, but where as GOATSIE is the creation of one dedicated individual many people made "The Star Wars Holiday Special" and any of them could have stopped the insanity!

"If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it."

- George Lucas

Anti-Zombie Chainsaw Machine Gun

2008-12-03T09:18:00.003Z

This clip of a gun with a Chainsaw bayonet has been touted around the internet as the ultimate addition to an assault rifle in the event of a Zombie crisis...

..But I can't help think about what Action Hero/Savior of the World Bruce Campbell says in "My Name is Bruce"..

"You know Jeff, I've gotten a lot of use out of chainsaws over the years, killed a lot of zombies, saved a lot of lives, but a the end of the day when push comes to shove, their just too damn heavy."

...plus kickback, bone jamming and running out of fuel, now if somebody can just build me a shotgun/sledgehammer combo then I might be interested.

It's Kitschmas Time again - Door 2

2008-12-02T13:33:00.000Z

I wonder what behind door number two?

My gods its a String-faced Shoggoth Santa, the most creepy Christmas decoration I've seen this year, its half Santa half weeping child ornament, whats wrong crying Santa, OH GOD YOU HAVE STRING FOR A FACE!!!!!

It's Kitschmas Time again

2008-12-01T12:35:00.000Z

I love Kitschmas me, I love songs, the lights, the fake snow and advent calenders so lets open up the first door....

...why its the Sultan of Sleaze himself Mr Johan Waters.

I think were all smart enough to realize that Christmas has been around for a lot longer than Christians, but I used to hate the whole season until my friend Jamie gave me this John Waters essay to read and I learned to love Christmas once more..

Why I Love Christmas - From Crackpot by John Waters

CAPTAIN HOLD FAST IS BACK

2008-11-30T12:28:00.003Z

The new Piratical Purple Glaze of my Captain Hold Fast Mug is now available from Tiki Farm, just in time to fill you Christmas stockings....

Purple Captain Hold Fast - Buy Him Now!!

I've been to Little Big PLanet

2008-11-30T11:47:00.003Z

When I was in Primary School, in the term of the year they had activities afternoons when parents came in shared hobbies with you. One of these activities was computers, now this was back in the days of BBC micros, C64 and Spectrums, but one of the kid's mum was real geek and had an early mac with a basic platform game, which was completely addictive. Not for the game play but because it allowed you to create your own levels.

I didn't think I'd ever find a game with this simple joy and then my brother stuck Little Big Planet on I was transported back to that childish creative joy. I knocked this Moai head up out of cardboard after only 20 minutes of playing, I could kill so much time building levels for this game.

Munny I is scared!!! part one

2008-11-26T16:39:00.002Z

A commission piece for my brother this time, he handed me this vinyl figure the other week and went "make this Tiki", and then he went "you can get bigger ones, and a car and a rabbit", so I think I'll be engaged in painting for him for sometime.

The Munny from Kid Robot

Poor disassembled Munny, reminds me of the children in Titus Andromicus.

Fooling around while painting, sort of looks like Marylin Manson.

Shiny wet undercoat, the colour of old bones.

Shadows over Hawaii

2008-11-25T12:51:00.002Z

Another great artist mixing up the Cthulhu and Tiki is Hawaiian Brad Parker aka Tiki Shark, his painting "Forbidden Island" depicts very desirable Cthulhu Tiki mug, that I'm frankly surprised that no tiki mug manufacturers have picked up and produced it.

Can punk rockers remain orthodox when they grow old?

2008-11-21T20:05:00.003Z

I love the Ignoble Prize, with my Sister-in-Law being a scientist I know how easy their massive decade long researches can sound downright daft to normal people. What with her partner about to do his post-doc into a type of ant that can pass through the surface of water without any surface resistance and it lives in a rainforest in Borneo, then i know that conditions and coolness influences what things get studied, cool ants in Borneo or lugworms in Millport, cool ants ta!

So when I read in about Joanna R Davis study "Growing Up Punk: Negotiating Ageing Identity in a Local Music Scene" you can pretty much guess she fancied hanging around with the cool older punks in her local punk scene.

I used to work in a Punk Pub so I have a lot of experiences of older punks but whenever I'm talking to them, they always remind me of a Punk Grandfather I remember from a 80's sci-fi kids show. In the show he was this old geezer dressed in punk clothes knocking on about 80's bands, at the time it was comedy but everytime I look at elderly punks I realize it was rather prophetic.

The show was called Luna and starred a very young Patsy Kensit and Colin Bennett (Mr Bennett from Take Hart), there is a wonderful website all about which is well worth a look.

Lunaviron

The Call of Cthulhula - part three

2008-11-21T19:19:00.001Z

A bit more on the face and a set of voodoo bones, I like painting bones and it balances out the body, detracting from the fact the figure has no discernible arms.

The background had more added the dancing figures and drummers, suggesting a debouched cultist ritual occurring in the swamps presided over by a lost idol.

I didn't think that the Tiki Bob figure in the far right was working or the reflection on the swamp, so I went a bit far on wiping it out.

With another idol added and it looks a bit better than before. Then I've gone over the midground with a wash of blue just to darken down the white and push the portrait to the front.
The skull design on the bone necklace is The H.P.Lovecraft Historical Society Logo, which I think is fitting for a cursed bone necklace.

With the painting almost finished it just needed balancing up, so the good-lady-wife suggested that I add white highlights to the portraits hair and just a touch to the star on the tapa band on the hat.

I'm really going to have to learn how to take better pictures of my paintings, depending how the light reflects of the acrylic then the tone totally changes, plus I must use a better camera than the one on my phone.

Devil Reef - a great place for a Cold One.

2008-11-20T20:02:00.006Z

The "Call of Cthulhula" must be strong at the moment as i was working on my H.P. painting Tikiracer posted the best Cthulhu/Tiki artwork of the year on Tiki Central, with the menu for entire Cthulhu mythos tiki bar and swizzel stick.

Devil Reef Bar finds - anyone know more?

I actually own two of this mug also posted on that thread, they were the first ceramic tiki mugs I ever found.

The Call of Cthulhula - part two

2008-11-20T12:55:00.007Z

I pondered the painting and figured the island in the background wouldn't work stretched across the painting, so I panicked and slapped down loads of dark paint so i could add foliage and tikis in the midground.

more dark paint in the foreboding sky.

A lot done to the painting, lots of monotone figures and then I attacked the portrait sorting out the face, making the shirt work and getting the hat right.
To complete the midground i went through the "Book of the Tiki" and nicked bits from dozens of menus and album covers, pretty much a painting exorcise rather than a unique work of art.

The Call of Cthulhula - part one

2008-11-19T17:04:00.005Z

I'd thought I'd try something new, instead of a snarling tiki something a bit different. So I've been wanting to do a Cthulhu themed painting so I found this fantastically photographed "Don the Beachcomber" mug of Ooga-Mooga and overlaid it with a portrait of H.P.Lovecraft.

Then I transfered the image to the canvas using the grid method, which I've never done before, the trick to it is to copy exactly whats in each grid, rather than use the whole grid as a guide. Since I nicked the source image I went further and pilfered the background image from an old aku-aku menu printed in the Book of the Tiki.

The base colours laid down red background and blue for the front.

Since the face is the most important part of the image, I've backed up the pencil sketching with neat blue.
With two shades of green added on the hat and shirt and the figure start to come together.

With the basics of the figure in I can start on the backgound and the ominous evil idol starts to appear.

Sorry! Aye Right!!

2008-11-15T22:55:00.003Z

We took a travel set of "Sorry" with us when we went around the world, sometimes it got crazy competitive between me and the missus, cards slamming to the table and foul language and threats too my life, yup the missus gets seriously competitive.
But then again we play "Sorry" by Kiribati rules and use real playing cards instead of sorry cards, so it get to be like poker.

What 10 games should really be called, but not all the renames are funny, but the Sorry one is spot on!

The Largest Pound Store in the UK

2008-11-15T18:25:00.002Z

Do you know that visiting the largest pound store is like having the biggest penis in the UK but its made from marzipan, its no use for sex but its great for covering a Christmas cake but your allergic to marzipan.
Once you enter the store and see the isles of goods you can go a giddy at the though of the hundred of thousands of bargains to be had but once you actually look at the quality of the stuff then you soon realise its all a bunch of crap, which you may be able to buy it for a pound but you really don't need it.
I was almost suckered in by a big tub of Brylcream for a pound, but i hate the smell of it and its no good for pomping my hair, but it was about a pound and a half cheaper than normal.

Robots Vs Monkeys - Films

2008-11-13T13:58:00.000Z

Here is a tough one D.A.R.Y.L.(Data Analysing Robot Youth Lifeform) was almost quite cool it was advertised on the backpage of 2000ad and he stole a plane and everything.
I always advise friends to choose a name for their child which could work as an abbreviation if their child turns out to be a secret synthetic robot child, like my beat friend's child O.R.R.I.C.K. - Organic Robot Replicant Infant Computer Killer or my sister-in-laws A.N.J.A. - Automatic Ninja Jet-powered Android

On the truck based monkey movies I guess their is only the classic "Every Which Way But Loose" - Clint Eastwood and an Orangutan called Clide, whats not to like.

Jazz-Age Tartan Kitsch Highland Beestie

2008-11-12T18:53:00.003Z

Today is the 75 anniversary of the publication of the first photograph of the Loch Ness Monster, a Jazz-Age creature that own half its life to Scottish legends but most of its existence to King Kong.

Is it a fin of a unknown beestie or a dog holding a stick in its mouth.

Story about Loch Ness Monster photographs

My own animated tribute to the Loch Ness Monster

Robots Vs Monkeys - TV shows

2008-11-12T13:40:00.002Z

I saw this clip of the theme tune of "Small Wonder" a terrible sit-com about a robot child called V.I.K.I. (Voice Input Child Identicant), which I might have seen, I defiantly remember the scary robots face and the clunky robot innards.

But if your after TV monkeys then do you remember "B.J. and the Bear" I used to love this as a very small kid, I just looked up what it was about on Wikipedia and until then i would have sworn it was about a private detective and his crime fighting chimp, the chimp used to be Cheata from Tarzan and the man went on to drive the truck in Knight Rider.
But I'm wrong it was about a trucker and his monkey like Convoy meets Every Way but Loose, oh and Bear was the monkey.

Three Heads are better than one!

2008-11-11T19:54:00.004Z

So I've done another painting, wish I had a better camera to catch the detail of the art, but first I did a pencil sketch of the monster, two heads on top and a third face to make up the body. I intended to have a grinning devil long tongued face but after the two tentacle tongues of the last big painting I decided against it.

Slapping on the background red, which is a bright new crimson.

Brown for the body, the spear held by the monster is cribbed from a real Maori souvenir, I just trace around the object, its sort of cheating but more a way of excusing my dust catching collection of Maori weapons to my wife.

More of the lovely wood grain effect, their a living statue monster, plus two-headed mutants were held by some pacific cultures as divine. In the museum in Rotorua I think there was a two-headed Maori carving, it was tapu to take pictures so I have to rely on my memory.

On with the black outline and the image is pulling together, I've coloured the blade of the spear and club green to suggest Jade or as the Maori call it Pounamu.

The last of the shading, high lights and the facial tattoo's, hot pink and sky blue for them, I gave them almost identical tattoos because its easier to copy something that has worked on one rather than get all experimental and loose all the good work done so far.

Sometimes paint can be a bit odd, take the crimson in the background, it started off looking red but by the time I'd finished the figure, it looked to me that it was a strong orange. So I went for a cop out background and slapped down the old tapa print design, the dark colour is another red and a yellow ochre, which with the background comes out a faded black and gold.

The tapa almost finished, it quite soothing doing the tapa, I rub the pencil marks off as I go.

and the thats the picture finished, I like the new square canvases they suggest the cover of records, it's always been a hope to do a record cover one day, I'll just have to find some form of band that suits my art.

My little shopping

2008-11-08T16:06:00.002Z

Every week that my wife goes to the supermarket with her father, she tries to reverse shoplift a "My Little Pony" toy into the shopping trolley, to make up for the ones she wasn't allowed to have as a child.

Her father always spots it before the checkout and places it out her reach on top of the supermarket shelves or hides it behind inappropriate products elsewhere in the store. I wonder if the staff have realized that they are the reason the "My Little Pony" wander all over the store.

Today her dad was unavailable to do the shopping with her and we had to do the shopping by ourselves, but were warned no "My Little Pony" were to be bought.
So we decided instead to re-brand some choice products, and to extra annoy him we added bad spelling and cutesy spelling to the labels.

In the Dark Eons before Dinosaurs...

2008-11-01T00:30:00.004Z

..in time for Halloween scientists prove that eight legged star shaped beasts ruled the world before the Dinosaurs, just like Grampa H.P.Lovecraft said they did.

Star Beast from Before Time!

Just Can't Get Enough: the Chippendales Story

2008-10-29T12:43:00.004Z

"Men have always danced around in their underwear, as far back as Jesus, even before Buddha"

I've been watchng the new C4 zombie Big Brother "Dead Set" and being a chronic zombiephobic I've had to sooth my mind with non-horror immediately afterward. So how overjoyed I was to catch "Just Can't Get Enough: the Chippendales Story" a perfect made-for-tv-movie about the seedy history of the all male strippers the Chippendales.

I for one was shocked to discover they dabbled in sex and drugs, but the bomb threats and Hitmen was news to me. I do belive I saw the leader of the Chippendales Fabio appear in a cameo as a photographer in the film.

For me the Chippendales will always be the snowmobile driving heroes from the mind of Zodiac Mindwarp in the fantastic book "Bad wisdom".

The Barras

2008-10-26T21:07:00.003Z

I love it when people photo blog an entire days tiki hunting or searching thrift stores. Today I went to the Barras in Glasgow and its just not the place to be waving a camera around. Its not just that some stalls have counterfeit goods, illicit tobacco, or support paramilitary organizations its more that its the experience is the thing.
I swear today I saw the banjo playing guy from Deliverance in a white shell-suit selling homemade happy hardcore cd's but I defiantly saw shaven headed family guy with his daughters and grandchild pass by, i do think his half face maori moko was a strange tattoo choice.
Some of the stall's are interesting stalls selling only tablet or dog chews or used pornography or Nazi uniforms or paint/Elvis memorabilia or the book seller who has that many books you can't look at them or move them without causing an avalanche.
The best thing i saw was three six foot tall religious paintings done in household paints by a divinely inspired outsider artist, they were so nuts.

Dr Menhunious, The Wee Drunkin' Frankentiki and The Bride of the Frankentiki (part 2)

2008-10-20T16:58:00.001+01:00

So on with the shading, slapping the black paint on.

So I've added the white highlights and some more detail on the figures and now skuffing black onto the green background to add mor atmosphere to the image.

The frankentiki is affixed to the painting by wires I cast in its back way back in the plaster stage, so i have to brutally knock holes into the painting so it can be fixed in place.

A final bit of tarting up on the Bride, extra stitches, sort out that boob and a bit of highlighting and my tiki tribute to James Whale is complete. That's James Whale the film director and not the talk radio host.

Dr Menhunious, The Wee Drunkin' Frankentiki and The Bride of the Frankentiki (part 1)

2008-10-19T13:54:00.005+01:00

So at the last London Luau I had this idea for a version of my "Wee Drunkin' Tiki" done as a Frankenstein's Monster with Menhunes transformed into the Doctor and the Bride. So I finished the Frankentiki a year ago and finally I've gotten around to starting, originally I planned to convert the Trader Vic's Menhumes with tiny little costumes and fit them into a shadow box. But the Menhunes proved to be too thick to fit in the box without some serious cutting, so instead i decided to paint them.

In Britain we can never find Witco Carvings but I can allways find these burnt grained spanish macho wood items, this frame came with a faux oil paint print which i flipped over and about ten layers of white household undercoat flattened out the surface enough so that i could paint on it.

Because the Menehunes are now at a larger scale than the Frankentiki, I've made the male Menehune into Dr Septimus Pretorius rather than Dr Frankenstein, so the Frankentiki is like Pretorius's Homunculus.

More green and brown.

The pink added to the Leis and wood grain on the table.

And thats the black added, my hands cramping so I'll leave it and finish it tomorrow.

A Big Basket of Yuck!!

2008-10-17T15:51:00.001+01:00

Purple fluffy feathered winged unicorns, this is what fairies vomit would look like.